Happy-U Bloggity Blog

Holistic Approach to Positive Psychology & Yoga

Wanna get to know yourself? SvadhYAYA!

on October 8, 2012

I remember two times in my life when I really “got to know” myself, when I did the dirty work, dug deep, and was forever changed.

The first was in high school, when I “broke up” with my best friend. I remember being super emo and playing my Fiona Apple CD while I wrote poetry by candlelight in my bedroom. I felt rejected, angry, betrayed, and alone… and it was the first time I realized that I could only truly count on myself. “I had better get to know me,” I thought. And I did. I learned then that I’d rather have no friends than shitty ones.

Angst

The second time was about 6 years ago, before I moved to San Diego, when I got dumped hard by a cheater who blindsided me and broke my heart. After I picked myself up off the ground, I turned to writing once again… this time in the form of journalling rather than poetry. I discovered Angel Cards and Grace, started reading spiritual books, collecting inspiring quotes, and writing like crazy. I prayed a lot and learned to meditate. From here, I had an idea to move to San Diego, aka the greatest decision of my life.

From my Facebook Profile Page since 2008 πŸ™‚

When I think of the 4th of the Niyamas,Β Svadhyaya, orΒ Self-Study, these are the times I think of first. The big turning points in my life, when a self-determined catastrophe caused me to sit with my emotions, sort out my perspective, and figure out which direction I wanted to face. And strangely, those times were somehow some of the best. Some of the realest moments of being ME. They were the times when I dug deep past the facade, the outer trappings, the image I was portraying, to see the gem at the center of it all. It may have been ugly trying to find that gem, but once I found it, I discovered I was more beautiful than I had ever given myself credit for.

Now, I engage in Self-Study all the time. I meditate and write, pull my Angel Cards and interpret them, keep journals and draw pictures, and talk to myself in the car. To me, these are ways that I get to know the Divine Karson within this Karson Meat Suit. I always “knew” myself– like, I could pick myself out of a group photo, but did I always KNOW myself, like I could love and accept every single part of who I was at every turn? No. But I’ll tell you something, when I took the time to try to FIND OUT about me, I was the happiest. And I still am.

At this point in my life, when I get crazy busy & stressed, my introspective Svadhyaya practice is the first to go. I forget to write. I don’t meditate. I can’t find the time to make it to my mat. And as I result, I eventually feel like shit. I separate myself from ME and I identify myself with my MIND instead. It’s easier, and my mind is just SO MUCH LOUDER.

But when I remember to to turn within, to coax the inner workings of myself out into the world, I suddenly line up. It’s like all the grooves realign and I can see myself for what I really am… a magical, expanding, beautifully imperfect soul, who’s doing the best she can πŸ™‚

Yup!

So go deep. Don’t just live scratching the surface of who you are. Be WILLING to find out. Be WILLING to fail. Be WILLING to ask yourself the hard questions and see what happens… You might just find your purpose hiding in there, and it could be the greatest thing this world’s ever seen πŸ™‚

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4 responses to “Wanna get to know yourself? SvadhYAYA!

  1. Mitch McGinley says:

    Excellently written babe πŸ™‚

  2. MaMaFlimFlam says:

    Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow! Just what I needed to hear today. You are Brilliant!

  3. julie potiker says:

    That is just perfect. I too am doing the difficult work to let my inner light shine. You said that beautifully! Thank you.

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